nothing!

Why? oh why do I do it??
Why does it refuse to go away...
leave me in peace!!!!

why these dreadful nights when everything comes back to you. why cant it just disappear? Its like walking willingly into quicksand. It attracts me. I want to walk into it. And drown...

How stupid is that. Don't I have a life of my own? why should it be indebted to someone?Why should I not be able to be a complete person in my own right? why should it still haunt me?
Am I not the stupidest person in the world? Who in their right mind would long for something that refused to come to them. Mirage: thats what it was. And like a fool, I keep wanting to catch it. The biggest crime in this world is to be naive. To trust. To get hurt. And want to get hurt over and over again. I inflict it upon myself. I know. No one in their senses would go on like this for months. Its gone. It was never there. don't you understand. And the more you look for it, the farther it goes. And yet it attracts. It stalks its prey. Its on the prowl at night. It catches you off guard. In the middle of a conversation. In the middle of a class. And then it rips you apart. It hurts like hell. It frustrates. It brings out the negativity in you. It leaves you famished. It kills you bit by bit.

and you are stupid enough to let it walk over you.

Reach out

My mom once told me that in the first few hours after giving birth, one feels a big void, a physical sensation of emptiness. I think now of how another situation is similar to that feeling...

My heart feels a void. There is a big space that is empty. I want to reach out. I have an urge to speak to someone. I call family, friends. And yet..there is this feeling of something being missing. Wanting to talk to someone. I want to reach out. Some thing is missing. Something is missing.I feel incomplete. I feel incomplete.


I want to fill that space. Get rid of the void. Stop feeling it. Time heals all...it empties your mind of things that occupied it for long. Like sexy says in cheeni kum, pyar aansu banke beh jata hai.
But even time cant fill the void. It will be a part of my heart, my life forever, resisting any change. It stands testimony to a love so strong that it took a part of me along.

I will always sit under the stars at night and want to reach out. Will want to reach out.I am missing something. I feel incomplete.